The Art of Conflict

Lynne Jeffers is the Grace Pastor at the Lino Lakes Campus

There are few people I know who enjoy conflict. Most get a small pit in their stomach when there is any kind of relational friction. My husband and I are experts of dancing around any full blown confrontation with each other (notice I did not say we were expert dancers!) Whether it comes from our childhood or other experiences along the way, we’ve found that when we need to address an issue, we take some time, then tip-toe a bit to test the water (sometimes too carefully) and then work very hard to address an issue respectfully, and in a manner that won’t hurt the other, but will be helpful.

Barbara and Dennis Rainey put it this way, “Spouses can learn to be each other’s best friend by learning the gentle art of confrontation. Blessed is the marriage in which both spouses feel the other is a good friend—one who will listen and then respond, who will understand and who will work through whatever needs to be dealt with.”

In Ephesians 4:15, Paul says, “Speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.”

It’s also important to lay ground rules prior to a conflict arising. Agree how you may disagree or address it, long before there is a situation.

What can you do this week that will contribute to the “art of gentle confrontation” in your important relationships?

Laughter – Good Medicine for Your Marriage

So how is the laughter level in your marriage? Authors Les and Leslie Parrot have some reasons to have laughter as an important element in your marriage.

“Laugher is good medicine, literally. It has important physiological effects on you and your soul mate. The French philosopher Voltaire wrote, “The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.” Modern research indicates that people with a sense of humor have fewer symptoms of physical illness than those who are less humorous.

This idea, of course, isn’t new. Since King Solomon’s times, people have known about and applied the healing benefits of humor. As Proverbs tells us, “A cheerful heart is good medicine.” (17:22)

A number of years ago, we were having a group of family and friends over for a holiday meal. Keeping with her family tradition, my wife cooked up a large batch of Norwegian (or is it Swedish?) meatballs, gravy and mashed potatoes. It was a big process and we were looking forward to the meal. Just as people arrived, my wife went to the kitchen counter to take the large casserole of meatballs to the table and then it happened. All of those delightful, gravy laden meatballs slipped out of her hands and fell to the floor – shattering the glass covering into pieces everywhere and of course, all in the meatballs.

We had that moment where, with mouths open, we looked at each other to see how we were going to react. It was then we shouted “new tradition – pizza for Christmas!” And while several cleaned up the mess, I gave a call to order up the replacement evening meal.

This was definitely one of those situations that could have turned ugly and ruined our whole night—but we didn’t let it. Instead, we chose to let humor lighten the mood, and we made the best of the situation! Humor can often time be a great solution to keep things in perspective and not take ourselves too seriously.

Take it from the professionals! Legendary comedian Bob Hope says laughter is an “instant vacation.” Jay Leno says, “You can’t stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.” And the great Bill Cosby says, “If you can find humor in anything, you can survive it.” Researchers agree. Studies reveal that individuals who have a strong sense of humor are less likely to experience burnout and depression and they are more likely to enjoy life in general — including their marriage.”

So how does a sense of humor help your marriage or family relationships? Do you have any funny stories to share?