Garage Sale Sadness

Sophie the dog needed her morning walk and my wife and I started down the street when we came upon our neighbors, three doors down, setting up for a huge garage sale. That’s when our hearts broke.

In addition to a driveway filled with furniture, kichen items and kid toys, we saw the realtor sign in their front yard.

Thinking they were going to upscale their lives to a new and bigger home, my wife asked, “so, where are you guys moving to?”

The reply from the wife of the family hit us like a ton of bricks: “I’m not sure where we’re going – my husband cheated on me and he’s gone. Our family is in disarray right now.”

Like walking into a yard where the contents of their lives were blown apart like a bombing took place, I looked at the remains of their life, possessions and family, all strung about their driveway and garage. I began to wonder about this family. The kids. The marriage. Their pain. What happened? How did it start?

I began to think about the husband. I didn’t know him at all, but I wondered how this all started? Was it someone at work that he flirted with? Did he complain to her about his life and marriage? Did they have that lunch together that crossed over into a dangerous area of vulnerability? When did they break the physical boundaries that led to the destruction of their marriage? How did the wife find out? Did he tell her? What did they say to their kids? How deep are the wounds and scars in their hearts?

Proverbs 4: 24-27 “Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech. Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.” (NLT)

Families and marriages don’t blow apart overnight. It all starts with the small things that add up and gain a dangerous momentum. And then one day, you’re selling all the possessions that you shopped together for or got as a wedding gift in your driveway.

Marriage is hard. It takes a lot of work and effort. But it’s worth it. If there is distance in your relationship, get some help. If you are beginning to step out of bounds, emotionally or even physically with someone else – stop it.

So how to you keep your relationship on track? What tips can you give others on keeping your relationship pure?

PreMarriage Class at Eagle Brook Church

If you and your honey would like to tie the knot at EBC, or have an EBC pastor officiate your ceremony, you need to take our Pre-Marriage class – September 25th & 26th at our White Bear Lake Campus. It’s a great step to get your marriage started off on the right foot, and you will get a discount on your marriage license. You can register online at www.eaglebrookchurch.com or at the Box Office this weekend.

You’ll hear topics such as communication & conflict, finances, love languages and intimacy. It’s loads of fun and the price includes lunch and snacks.

So, those of you with some marriage experience under your belts – what is the one piece of advice you’d give these soon-to-be newlyweds?

What is Your Top 5%?

Last weekend (Labor Day Weekend), Jason Anderson wrapped up the “Just Like Us” series on Elijah, who dealt with burnout. If you didn’t get an opportunity to hear the message, make sure you catch it online at www.eaglebrookchurch.com.

Our busy schedules can leave us feeling empty, exhausted and even burned out. Elijah also reached a point where he was physically and emotionally depleated (1 Kings 19) and we can see where he found his recovery. The three ways Elijah found relief was to rest, walk closely with God and do only what you can do.

How is your pace? Are you allowing yourself ample rest? Are you spending quality time with God in prayer, worship and Bible reading? As you examine your life, what are the roles that only you can do? What are those top 5% responsibilities that you can’t delegate or hire someone else to do? Here are mine:

1. Only I can develop and grow my relationship with God. I am responsible for this and not the church.
2. Only I can be a husband to my wife and a father to my children. No one else can be there emotionally and relationally for them.
3. Only I can work and provide for my family. (note that this is #3 and not #1!)
4. Only I can use the spiritual gifts that God has given me to serve others and those with in the church.
5. Only I can manage the margin in my life that is needed for family, friendships, health and exercise.

Getting these proirities in shape will positively influence the other 95% of your life. If you’re like me, I can be ‘out of shape’ in these areas (I can see 3 of them that needs some immediate attention!) and I can also get them out of order as well.

What is your ‘top 5%’ in your life? How well are you doing with them and what are some of things that you’ll be doing this fall to get in or keep in shape?

Gary Chapman the Love Language Guru is in Town!

The EBC Grace Staff wanted to personally invite you to come and listen to Gary Chapman a relationship expert with more than 35 years of experience in marriage and family counseling experience. Known for his humor he’ll keep you laughing as you learn about successful relationships. As a Grace staff we encorporate his teaching into our own Pre-marriage seminar. Reserve September 12th, 9 am – 4 pm – Redeemer Lutheran Church, 61 Mississippi Way, Fridley MN 55432. Cost is $75/couple. To find out more visit www.redeemerfridley.org or call Becca Benson 763-242-9766.

Managing Your Families Fall Season

It’s Minnesota State Fair time—which signals to all families that the summer is drawing to an end. With our tray tables up and seat backs in their upright position, we are zooming down the runway, getting ready to lift off into the fall season. When people ask me about the fall, the most overused phrase that comes out of my mouth is the word “busy.” I sense it in our office and I can feel it in my pulse. The calendar gets turned and here come the commitments and schedules. Here are three areas to consider when it comes to managing your families fall schedule.

#1—Make sure you schedule in quiet and rest. We can pride ourselves in our ability to multitask. I’m guilty of it. I’ll come home, turn on the TV, pop open the laptop to check email and get on the phone to return calls all at the same time. Dr. Archibald Hart, a noted Christian psychologist, comments that the brain is not wired for the multitasking that we so commonly see. There is actually a stress load that comes with this, and adrenaline is released into our systems. Adrenaline is a great thing when we need to run away from a dangerous situation, but a constant bombardment of it is quite damaging to our systems. Make sure you schedule a Sabbath day of rest in your family. Decide to take an ‘electronic fast’ from time to time during your week, so you can quiet your heart, mind and soul. Psalms 46:10 says “Be still and know that I am God.” It’s hard to listen to God when we’re running at a break neck pace.

#2—Recognize the value of family time. Parents and kids can be running from friend to friend, activity to activity. Make sure you schedule time to be together as a family. Meal time is a great way to be together to visit with one another, so decide and protect how many meal times you’ll be together. Try to find activities that you all can do together as a family—whether it’s a game night, or playing a sport together. Prioritize spending time with your family over other friends or acquaintances.

#3—Don’t over commit to your activities. Don’t be involved in activities just because everyone else is. Choose wise activities for your family, that bring enjoyment and growth. When it comes to your children, Dennis and Barbara Rainey of Family Life Ministries have found that you can best support your children’s strengths with ongoing involvement in just one or two activities or sports. Choose activities that will build character, and will instill lessons learned for life. Monitor part-time jobs and workloads as they suggest limiting them to ten hours a week.

So – what is your plan for this fall? Any tips for us?

For further reading, see Parenting Today’s Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years by Dennis and Barbara Rainey (1998, Thomas Nelson Publishing).